Hope? I need more than hope right now. Kevin and I have been together for 18 years.

Comments

[this is good]
No words.
Sent -- 7:27pm today -- I hope it helps.

Man. What a world.
I am literally in tears. This is one of the most inhumane things I have seen all week. I have faced this before. It has happened to me personally but Kevin didn't die. I got to pay for the medical bills, I just couldn't visit him. But that was 10 years ago. it seems some things never change. Thanks RD.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bighugsforyou both}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
The level of utter inhumanity people can sink to continues to stun me. This is abominable. I don't even understand how someone can justify that behavior to themselves.

And what kind of doctor won't take relevant medical history?!? That has to be some sort of fundamental ethical violation (this is totally aside from just how plain wrong the situation is).

I am sending an email now and will share this with others. I hope you and Kevin look into contracts that bestow medical rights on each other so this does not happen to you (again).
[this is horrifying and disgusting] What a world we live in. I'll send them a note too, DB.
I miss you so much. I think about you every day. Drop me a note and let me know how you are because I need me some IG. Thanks for the support.
This is the civil rights horror of our "modern" civilization. I'd like to hear any anti-gay person defend this type of thing. Unbelievable!

It sickens the heart that people are this stupid and cruel.

EF,

We are lucky. I work in a hospital and my employer has clear non-discrimination policies and Kevin is covered on my Medical Benefit plan and listed as my partner and beneficiary. When I tried to see Kevin in the Hospital years ago they had the Police escort me off the grounds. It was devastating. I was so upset that on my way home I was broadsided by a drunk driver and they had no insurance. I still think about that and when I saw this it all came back and I just started crying so very hard. We're still together and they couldn't tear us apart despite their efforts to try. I really appreciate your support. It means so much.

Thanks.

Thanks Street Vein. Your profile pic has made some of my anger dissipate,lol. I love it. I agree. If it happened to anyone else and I was straight I would be just as heartsick. She died and they wouldn't even allow her to see her partner of 18 years. It hit home for me because Kevin and I have been together the same amount of time. Thanks for the support.
I cannot imagine being denied access to my husband if he was in the hospital (or vice versa). I just don't understand what difference it makes to anyone who any individual loves. Honestly, I don't get it. But it angers me that I don't have to worry about these issues, but other people do for arbitrary and ridiculous reasons. I won't launch off into a huge tirade here, but I am tempted. Just know my thoughts are with you.

I found the CEO's email address: MOQuinn@jhsmiami.org. His name is Marvin O'Quinn. Stick it to him people.
I just wrote to him also. Thanks EF.

this is so sad. I will send a note as soon as I am coherent enough. Nice work EF on finding the CEO's address.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

that is just depressing.

[this is good]
My heart bleeds for all of you. This is so unbelievable and cruel emails in route. God I hope the courts can get some justice for this family. ((((((Hugs)))))

Thanks for the email address EF..I will definitely be doing some "sticking it to him" of my own. THIS is ridiculous! Insane even!

My thoughts are with you DB ((hugs))

Thanks Incoherantpants,lol. I think you need to write while incoherant. It will really disturb the dude,lol. He doesn't know Cranky. He'll learn what cranky is,lol.
Can you even imagine Marie. Those poor kids. They were getting on a cruise ship and their mom died. The hospital wouldn't even let them see her. They sat in the waiting room for 8 hours and got to see her for her last rights because a Priest begged them to allow them in. Thanks for the support.

LOL---I originally typed it as "nice wrok EF" and then gave you some big ((((((((((((((((((((higs))))))))))))))))))))) (probably a couple other errors I fixed too)

see what I mean? those evening naps will get you every time.

Lambda legal helps so many of us with this stuff. I worked with them in LA years ago.When the poor kids got back and returned to school I am guessing the teacher wanted an essay on "How I spent my summer vacation". What a horrible thing for this family to go through.
Those evening Schnapps,lol!
Yes it pisses me off to no end. How inhuman can you be. ugh

DB..my support goes without saying...you know you will have that from me....ALWAYS!

No, I can't imagine what these poor kids and this ladies partner went through (and are still going through)

It's difficult enough when someone you love is sick. You want to be close to them....to hold their hand ...to spend the last moments by their side. To be denied that right is beyond my comprehension. It angers, frustrates, and sickens me beyond words!

And now....at a time when this family should be left alone with their grief, they instead must fight for rights that should be automatic.

My heart breaks into a million pieces for them. And even worse, is knowing that THIS is NOT an isolated story.The world is such a sad and sickening place sometimes.

That's absolutely despicable, and it breaks my heart...when will humanity learn that if we don't look out for each other, then no one's gonna? I realize that there's nothing I can say to you that will change the fact that this bullshit persists, but damn it Myke, you and Kevin are two of my dearest friends on Vox, and I will raise seventeen different kinds of hell for yall until the end.

With love, hugs and kisses to humans and fuzzies alike,
Zola
No one should ever be denied the chance of seeing someone they love when they are in the hospital or something else serious happens. It's just wrong anyway you look at it
I sent Mr O'Quinn a note too. My heart goes out to you & Kevin. Eighteen years is a looonnnggg time. I can't imagine not being able to be with someone who had been my partner that long. Take care and big hugs.

This is so sad. Hatred, ignorance, and discrimination are on every street in every city. I hope this link helps. As an older gay man, I do understand all too well.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=R5kjf_L328s&feature=related

Roger

(Hugs). This is awful and inhumane. You and Kevin can come visit me and get legally married up here.
Did anybody else react with a resounding "WTF?" at being informed that Miami is anti-gay? O RLY? It's like one of the most overtly gay places I've ever been to in my life...but maybe that's just the tourists in Miami Beach?
Roger, we are getting older and the legal issues matter even more to us than they ever have before. If something happens to one of us the other one has to be able to stand alone and carry on. The worst case scenario though is both of us surviving to old age and having nowhere to go, let alone together to end our days here. Life is tough enough just for the average person but when 1200 pieces of legislation are there to legally discriminate then we have little hope for equality in our lifetime. But one day we shall all be equal. I can only hope I will be here to see it.
I was thinking the same thing? Miami? Guuuurl! It's so gay there it makes San Francisco seem Republican,lol. You know that Kevin and I always have you as our back up plan. We don't eat much and we're fairly tidy. Kevin is a great cook and you and Mr. BA would be looked after quite nicely. You guys are so ahead of the curve worldwide when it comes to civil rights. Canada is a huge Gay tourist destination and I think it's fitting that tons of our hard earned money goes to places that support us. Thanks. We'll be there in the morning. Make out the grocerie list and I'll pick up a few things on the way in from the airport. ; )
Ow. This hurts my head. This will wake me up in the middle of the night. I hate these stories.
electric firefly got the CEO's email address! I'll gladly use it. Isn't customer feedback great.
I think Michael Moore should do a documentary.
Miami is antigay??? Please.
When Dancing Bear is sad, we're all sad. We want DB to be happy.
It's "Puhleeeze" pyrit,lol. z is pronounced th when you're gay also,lol.

[that is the most disgusting and repulsive bullshit I've ever seen]

For goodness sakes - who the hell is the HOSPITAL to decide what constitutes a family? How come people can visit their sick friends in hospital, but not gay spouses? That is bloody awful.

Oh God DB. I'm so sorry you and Kevin had to endure that. ((((HUGS))))

No wonder I hate most people.

And, the first thing that struck me too was, WTF - MIAMI?!!

oh man that's just horrible. i'm so sorry, both for the people in the story and for you and kevin. i can't believe stuff like that can happen in 2008. *hugs*

Here in Italy it's the same for couples like mine, heterosexual but not legaly married.

For the law, in the last TWENTY YEARS I've been this man's NOTHING.

And if something happens to me, he won't even be allowed to be in the ambulance with me.

OF COURSE I'll help like I can!!!!

*big, sweet, tight sisterly hug*

I wrote them this:

What you did to this FAMILY (I am heterosexual and live in Italy, unluckily a catholic state, but yes, this is a FAMILY, no doubt for me) is so evil that it doesn’t even have a name.

You should be deeply ashamed for the rest of your lives to have caused such a great pain to these persons.

In fact, I hope they win the legal issue agains you and that they take BIG, really big money from you. This won’t help them a bit in in their sorrow but it will be painful and shameful for you, and maybe you’ll learn something, and next time you’ll behave differently.

I hope you know you are becoming internationally famous for your cruel behaviour.

FloraSol Accursio

Milano, Italy

Down here in The Netherlands any two people can sign a contract that binds them like they are married.

You hear rumors that this stuff is *still* going on, but god it's hard to believe people can be so cruel. I just don't understand why it's anyone's god damn business who someone considers family. What gives them the right to step in and interfere with this family in their hour of need?

Oh, and you know I write letters. Thanks to EF for the ceo address.
Zola, you too are family. What will become of our love child Zola Junior if her two daddies aren't safe. Well, you would drive up and get her,lol. We may put her in a box and send her to you. She definately takes after Mommy. Write to whomever you can and get some of them neighbors of yours to also. You youngins are the future.
I just keep seeing those kids sitting in the hospital in their flowered shorts and t-shirts on their way to a cruise. I then hear the staff telling their mommy that they can't see their other mommy. What happens to these kids mentally from this inhumane treatment? They lost their mother. Can the Hospital staff not comprehend what it is like to lose your mother? It's sad Stephel and I always aprreciate your support.
Thanks Stevie. I know that you are a justice driven person and have a very large heart. Your support is genuinely appreciated.
I know. Miami. WTF? Imagine what it's like in Peoria or all the other small places across America. If it can happen there imagine how often it happens elsewhere. I've been following the kitty story quietly from my home and have been loving all your pics. I've had the flu and been in hiding for a bit. Thanks for everything. Just knowing that the next generation has people like you in it gives me more comfort than anything.
One day our society will be as progressive as yours. Think of all the time lost, the fear, the suffering and how much better life would be if we could all just let people live as they are. Your country is way ahead of so many others on issues like this. Thanks Lizzy.
Looks like the Hospital is looking for a new Director of Communications...

Sol,

I always turn to you when I need to get fired up. You have always supported me and I appreciate it. There is a strange thing happening across America. They are now turning these hateful laws against gay people against straight unmarried couples also. They are making it illegal to adopt children and they are denying benefits to couples like you who have what we call "common law" marriages. They figure they can force people into "mariage" by doing this and isolate Gay people and keep the laws against them. They feel they decide who is family and who is not. I know you have been together with your partner for 20 years and I understand what it feels like to not have it recognized. Thanks for always coming to my defense. I can look across the ocean and see you, Drude, Lizzy, Thijs. I can look to the north and see Brown Amazon. browm Suga, Foxydee and so many others. I have friends in almost every state in America and with all that support I am hopeful that one day I will be an equal citizen. That is my greatest hope. I don't want kids to grow up in a world where adults treat them so shamefully. Those three little girls were hurt so badly by losing their mom and to have to go through that on top of it is just shameful. Thanks.

Thijs,

I may not comment very often but I always go to your Vox and look at all your latest pictures. I appreciate the young people like you of the world and your ability to just enjoy life and look at things in a totally free and equal way. Thanks for taking a moment to write.

I know you are a letter writer also Val. Over the past Vox years we have spent some quality time getting to know each other and I have seen nothing but the best from you. I have seen all the things in you that I hope to see in this gneration. I am comforted knowing that people like you always take the time to see how things are for others. You have always been this way and I am going to benefit from people like you in my own lifetime. I know you got a muther fucker of a storm and I hope The Vals are weathering it well. Stay warm and thanks for always giving me hope.
Do you think I should apply,lol. I'll pad my resume and see if I can get the job. I think they will probably be looking for a few new people in the future. One of the requirements is a BA. I have one. YOU! You are my BA,lol. I would only be half lying.
Ooooo, good one. This is what I wrote...

Dear Mr. O'Quinn,

I received the story below from a friend and wanted to take a moment to tell you that I support giving access to families - gay or straight. If you are married/partnered yourself, please take a moment and think about what it would be like if you were not allowed to see them before they died. I would guess you would be heart broken. Please take a moment and think about how these types of situations affect others. It is hard to understand how this situation could have been more hurtful.

Thank you for your time,
Stevie

honored by your faith in me, really.

I carefully translated into italian the article WITH your comment and posted it in a number of italian forums (but full of english speaking people, and I'm happy to say that many of their unknown gay members have enough confidence in my friendship to let it know at least to me...)

That hospital administration will get a ton of mail from here, and they won't like it a bit....

;)

let's stop people judge other people life, All together, I KNOW we can do it.

(lovely thing to be 40, people are stopping asking me "when are planning to finally get married, and when are we going to have a baby". At 20 it was "you'll see, you'll change your mind", at 30 it was "well, you still have time, and you'll see, you'll surely change your mind".... now they stopped asking at last! Welcome, o first wrinkles!!!! Welcome, o first pound of overweight!! )

:)))))))

Email:

To Whom It May Concern:

I have just read about your treatment of the Langbehn-Pond family. Try to help me understand how you could possibly justify such inhumane treatment towards a family in pain. I hope that you don't use HIPAA as an excuse, but that doesn't wash. If that was her husband and not her wife, you would have disclosed information and let him in at the drop of a hat.

I didn't know that sympathy was conditional upon sexual orientation.

I have to say that I hope that Ms. Langbehn gets a fabulously large settlement out of this. Then take it as a costly lesson. Perhaps then you'll think twice before letting your prejudices get the better of you.

Regards,

Disgusted in Virginia
Yeah Mo, they better not try to use HIPAA. If they do I'll have my HIPAA experts throw the smack down on them. Thanks for your support. You're another person who I have loved from the first post and always peek in to see how my girl is doing even if I don't always respond. You are who I would be if I was 20 years younger, Asian American and a woman,lol. Seriously. From your early days at the spa with WB to all your memories of your trip to Spain I count you also as one of the bright beacons on the horizon of Humanity. You have always been my guilty pleasure and I have always read along as though you are confiding in me personally. I remember beeping my car horn on the way through VA when I was drving up north to my dad's funeral. I even called Kevin and asked him to drop you a line as I passed through. Thanks Mo. You are a doll.
I've sent an e-mail, too, Kevin. I have a gay friend who moved to Miami a couple of years ago with his partner. He never spoke of these attitudes. I'll send him the news story.
How I wish the world wouldn't deny people their basic humanity. I'm so sorry for this loving family's suffering at the hands of inhumane prejudices. At least here, db, you have complete acceptance and dignity. Eighteen years is a long time.
It's hard to believe this goes on. But it still does. Thanks Laurie.
Yeah Jaypo, you guys help so very much. I just can't help but ache at the poor woman laying there, just wanting her family to be with her during her last moments here on earth. Those poor kids not even being able to see their mom. This was a family vacation and I am guessing they saved and scrimped to be able to go away together as a family. They were so far away from home. The kids couldn't go home and run away to their rooms and cry. They had to sit there humiliated and scared and hurt only to be told they didn't matter because of who their parents were. And the partner having to shelve her own grief to look after the kids and make all those long distance plans without any help or empathy. I can't think of a lonlier place to be. You guys really help us. It's pretty tough sometimes. But one day.... things will change and be better for people like me. At least for the kids I hope.
It is horrendous and unforgivable what happened to that family, it brings tears to my eyes. It is horrendous, in general, what is still happening to this day, all the bigotry and prejudice that so many people experience, whether it be because of their race, religion, non-belief or sexual orientation. We have one life to live and NO ONE has the right to dictate how we should live it. How dare anyone question one's love for another and deny to some what others take for granted. Unfortunately, however, this is still the case in so many areas in America and in so many ignorant, close-minded people. It infuriates me so much!

All the best to you and Kevin. I am straight and married to my husband for 28 years. We are of different races and religions, and I've always felt blessed for this diversity. I'm very proud to not be part of the "mold", which, thankfully, is getting less and less these days. My sincere hope is that all the closed-minded, hateful people (and governments) see the light, and soon, as to their prejudice and ignorance. How boring it would be for all of humanity to be "the same" ... guess that would be called robots ... scary, scary thought.

Yay for gay marriage!! Hats off to Mayor Newsome of San Francisco a few years back!!
One the things that stepped me over the threshold to getting married (years ago, and now over...) was exactly that emergency med protocol does NOT allow non-family members in to see those in critical situations. It wouldn't have mattered that Mr. D and I had been living together for 5 years. If he went in under dire circumstances, I wouldn't have been allowed to see him and vice versa.

I am seething with rage. Letter writing will commence soon as soon as I can find the words through my anger. This is completely and totally unacceptable.

Thanks for sending me this post, DB. I'll get an email off later today when I have a moment to do so.
How sad, the atrocities that continue to happen in our world. The horrible things that we do to each other really breaks my heart. We're all the same and we all have such basic simple needs. Yet some of us are monsters. It really scares me.
I am really sad for this poor family, and what they went through, and now, when they should be able to mourn and heal, they instead must fight for "justice" over a basic right that SHOULD have been given to them unquestionably and unconditionally in the first place. What happened should never have happened. What a nightmare for this family.
Love and huggs to you and Kevin, DB.
Thanks Amy. I just posted the speech the surviving partner gave when she was presented a Media Award. Pretty touching stuff.
I found out today that they had all their paperwork sent directly to the hospital. Powers of Attorney, living wills, Durable POA for healthcare. Her surviving partner donated her organs and 4 other people were able to get transplants because she made sure of it as her partner had requested. Something good will come of this. Her surviving family will make certain.
This is so sad... I feel sick right now. I pray for the day that people can marry whomever they want. My uncle has been with his partner for 20+ years and they are two of the greatest people ever. It would break my heart for something like this to happen to them. I hope the best for the family. You must have been very strong to cope with your own ordeal, DB.

very sad. Unfortunately there are a lot of shallow minded people in the world.

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